Shifting an Identity into an Image

Today’s watercolor sketch is a preliminary study of a way to express some thoughts and feelings about identity shifting.  My own definition of ‘identity shift’ is, the change in self image due to circumstances that have changed in one’s life. For example, when a person is healthy, he or she may have stereotypical ideas about cancer patients. However if […]

It Ain’t Pretty

There is an optical effect called the ‘waterfall illusion’. If you have ever watched the credits scroll by at the end of a movie, or scroll a computer screen, and then look at a still picture, it appears to move in the opposite direction. A similar thing happened this morning, when I looked in on […]

The Status is Quo

Nothing new. Although she hasn’t had anything to eat or drink in the past 4-5 days, my niece’s condition has not changed much. Cancer is winning. She is non-communicative, and breathing very hard. Many people who knew her have been by to see her and tell her they love her. There is not much else […]

Vigil

The decline continues. Kidneys still work, dehydration is under way. Our niece was diagnosed with cancer only 7 months ago. Now, the hospice nurse says one or two days are all she has left. Although she’s not comatose, she is less and less responsive. Our job is to regularly administer pain and anti anxiety meds […]

Closer

It could be any time now. Our niece continues to decline from her cancer. Breathing is harder. The only medication she takes now are for pain anxiety. Family members came by all day. My niece’s room was always filled with their respectful, loving presence, in various combinations.

Rough

My niece has cancer. A week or so ago she began hospice care at home. At that time she was alert, I was able to get her from bed to wheelchair, to the kitchen table. She took her meds, ate breakfast, we joked around. She’s famous for her laugh. Rough day today. No details, except to […]

Staring Eyes

My niece is, for intents and purposes, mute. She lies there with her eyes closed most of the time. I say her name loudly, perhaps too loudly, and she opens her eyes. They usually don’t stay open for long. From gaze, I can’t tell if she recognizes me. She is focused on the mid-distance. Her eyes are […]

Caregiver Pain

Things are getting worse. Getting her up is harder. Her feet don’t work. She has to stay in bed. Cousin J is here to help. He loves her. He wraps his arms around her and muscles her into position when she slides down. She’s not talking any more. Back aches. It’s hard to move, let […]

Just Before Waking

Today, it was a struggle to find a subject to draw or paint. I had a dentist’s appointment and was in no mood.  However, when I finally sat down at the desk where I paint, I noticed the sketch of my wife, I did last night. I got out the big paper and decided to […]