Grief: Where To Begin?

Many of you, like me, may be classic movie fans. I tend to gravitate toward Film Noir. I’m a noiry kind of guy. Also, crime films. One can learn a lot from movies. Just the other day, I was watching White Heat, starring Jimmy Cagney. He played a sociopathic, homicidal momma’s boy named Cody. Cody was smart too. He decided to confess to a crime that took place at the same time he was committing a worse crime, so he would have an alibi. While he was in the Big House at the mess hall, he noticed another prisoner at the table who might have had some information about his mom. The word passed from Cody, to prisoner, to prisoner, “How’s my mom?” When word got to the man who knew, he sent word back: “She’s dead.” You could see the word getting closer and closer to Cody.  You knew it was going to be bad. No one imagined how bad, though.

When he got the word, Cody started moaning. He slammed his plate down. Crying louder, he climbed up on the table. He punched out several prisoners and a couple of guards. Wailing and crying, Cody was carried away by no less than four cops.

There was no doubt that Cody was grief stricken by the loss of his mother. What a griever, that Cody!

My mother died about a week ago. I didn’t wail or even cry. I could be a late-onset griever. However, (and I’m in favor of this interpretation), maybe it means I’m not a sociopathic, homicidal momma’s boy.

At present, I’m filling the time with activity. Together with my brother Dave, we are packing up my mother’s apartment and moving it all out. There are times when we stop and marvel at one thing or another… a can of tuna from 2007, photos from our childhood, Mom’s handwritten notes, and so on. But we have our own drop dead date (pardon the pun) to vacate the premises.

The watercolor below represents three turbulences. Black and white ones surround the blue, red and yellow one. Strong, dynamic forces in each funnel cloud.

Watercolor: Abstract Tornado Motif

Follow the Yellow Brick Road
6″x9″ 140# Cold Pressed Watercolor Block

I know everyone grieves in different ways. I am not a young person. Will my numbness wear off? Does a person get too old to grieve? I certainly get sad at many things but grieving is to sadness the way the flu is to a cold. I would certainly notice if I were grieving.  I feel bad about not crying at Mom’s funeral. She would have wanted me to. When she was alive, she said that would be a healthy thing to do

2 thoughts on “Grief: Where To Begin?

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