Today’s watercolor experiment:

I have an obsession about the past. In part, it has to do with my desire to go back in time to try and fix things. My older brother Mike has a lot to do with that. He is autistic, low functioning and nonverbal. I have never been able to communicate with him.  I began a series of compositions about a month ago to explore this idea (My Analog Past).

When I was growing up, Mike was the center of gravity in our family dynamic. He needed the most attention because he could not take care of himself. Mom was aware of the Mike’s impact and she gave me some very valuable advice. She told me that it was ok to feel whatever I was feeling. I did not have to feel guilty about being angry or sad or impatient. By doing that, she addressed one of the difficulties that siblings of special needs children have: guilty feelings about natural feelings.

With today’s post, I embark on another series inspired by my post, All Feelings Are OK. In that post I painted a portrait of Mike from my memory of the last time I saw him.

I drew my free-form design without much thought about Mike; likewise, the flat, earth-tone washes were not executed with Mike in mind. However, I chose three figures to accentuate: a wedged circle that I painted brown; a comma-like form that I painted blue; and an open form that I painted red.

Precursor
9:x12″ 140# Cold Pressed Watercolor Block

The brown interrupted circle represents my eye looking toward Mike. One can see my round glasses and my nose as part of the ink line. Mike is represented by the blue and red shapes and the connecting contours. Mike has brown eyes, but I remember the eerie blue film covering one of his eyes from the last time I saw him. His red lip protrudes at the top of the composition.  In order to see Mike’s profile, one must rotate the image by 180 degrees.

This is a gateway picture for me. I envision other designs composed of iconic line drawings; masks incorporating salient features of Mike and me.

Inspiration is good.