I see Mike very infrequently. Mike is my older brother. He is autistic, low functioning and nonverbal. The last time I saw him was a couple of years ago, with my mother and Dave, my younger brother.We went to see him at his geriatric group home for his 64th birthday. I should have known better than to have any expectations. I hadn’t seen him in quite a while, but I still reverted to the way I thought as a child, “Maybe he’ll recognize me this time.” I was very upset when he didn’t.
Perhaps the painting I posted earlier today (Introspection) prompted me to paint a portrait of Mike as I remember him from the last visit. Perhaps there is an introspective component to today’s image but it is primarily retrospective. I painted the image without refreshing my memory with the photographs I took during the visit. The features that I saw in my mind’s eye were the pale blue cataract in his right eye; his other wandering eye; his protruding lower lip and his hands.
Last Time I Saw Mike
12″x9″ 140# Cold Pressed Watercolor Block
Comment:
As upset, disillusioned and angry as I was at the time, I realize I am entitled to feel that way. See The Visit for a record of my feelings immediately after the last time I saw Mike. Note – I have been told that this post may trigger bad feelings in others, but I intended no disrespect for anyone.
I am not upset any more. But I still feel a sense of loss and sadness. This might be the engine that drives my art.
i just want to give you a hug 🙂
Aww…. thanks Nicole.
j
(((hugs)))
Thanks TPNTY!
;>)
j
powerful (K)
Thank you, Kerfe.
jack
Yes, very powerful. I looked back at The Visit. You really captured a feeling in your painting. Bless your heart. N.
Thanks, Nina. The process was a bit different today, as I had an image in my head I wanted to put down, as opposed to figuring it out as I went along. I am glad that it came through.
J
From my experience of autism, I am sure you are deeply recognised….it’s just so hard that it is not shown to you. Your presence will mean a lot to your brother. I feel sure. Your artwork expresses your experience of your loss and sadness so beautifully. Your emotions are indeed true and deep, and your brotherly love is immense.
Thank you so much for your kind words. It would be wonderful to believe that I meant something to Mike. Alas, without confirmation it is just a nice thought. However, I could be blind to his acknowledgement, which is one factor that drives me to revisit the past time and time again.
I appreciate your comment a lot.
j