Today I revisited self portraiture (see previous Self Portrait). I need practice drawing people and, since I have full access to myself at any time, I gave it another whirl.
I think I’m pretty much on the mark, except Joy says my eyes aren’t exactly right.
In keeping with the other theme of the past couple of days, my identification with my older brother Mike who is severely autistic, low functioning and nonverbal, I crafted a portrait that combines his features with mine.
The left half of the composition below is supposed to portray my features, Mike’s face on the right side (wearing my glasses).
I’m not sure if I captured either my face or my brother’s in this attempt. The overall effect is a bit grotesque. The picture doesn’t remind me of Mike or me. It looks like some grumpy band leader from the 1940s.
Someone brought to my attention the compulsive component to my gravitation to the subject of my brother and his image. I readily admit to the obsession. The only think I can say is that, even though I am in my 60s, I must not be quite ready to close the book on this matter. Possibly the word ‘fascination’ better describes my frequent return to portraying my brother Mike. To me fascination describes the unresist-able urge to confront something completely foreign or unbelievable in order to learn about it. A fascination may disappear once that ‘something’ is understood.
I think I have realized that I will never understand my brother Mike. I may need to arrive at a satisfactory rationalization and, in effect say, “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” Until then… more portraits and more searching.