I don’t know why it is taking me so long to get started. I’ve been thinking about this for more years than many of you have been alive. Dealing with it has never/always been a problem. It has shaped my life, made me who I am today. Maybe its because I’m so thoughtful, with thoughts ranging from evil to ecstatic. I must admit that they are weighted on the darker side. The trouble is, the web never forgets. To paraphrase a story I’ve heard at a young age – pre-internet: Speaking is like ripping a feather pillow open. You can never get the feathers back. What’s a blogger to do?
Have any of you seen ‘The Chosen’? Robbie Benson is a gifted intellect who’s father, an orthodox rabbi gives him the silent treatment. It is devastating and painful, but has the effect of tempering Benson’s character’s mental strength with compassion. In a way, I feel lucky to have an older brother at the bottom of the autism spectrum; luckier than most siblings of higher-functioning autistic people. My brother is unreachable: non-verbal, retarded: totally different.
What can I do 50 years later?
Bravo for reaching out to help others and thank you for posting on Sibnet.
Certainly you will share your journey with many others who will benefit from your generosity!
Thank you for your kind words.
Sibnet has been one of the few places in the world where I feel that I can write and read all those things that I was even afraid to THINK!! And it continues….Right now I am in Singapore-on a wonderful vacation-it’s worlds away from home and it’s exciting and so interesting… and I am here with my husband and friends and I STILL got my cloud of guilt. It found me here,tens of thousands of miles away.(the guilt that I am here having a wonderful time and I have left my sister behind in Boston).And I’m 61 years old!! I got back to the hotel,saw your email , sighed,and felt better.Thanks for writing.
Thank you, Rachel. You were the first to comment on my blog. It was doubly exciting: first, the feeling of being help to another – a deeply satisfying feeling – and second, to be read half-way round the world. Thank you so much!
It is my impression that understanding and feeling what you feel ,can never be felt by anyone who has not lived what you have experienced. The masses live their everyday lives, focusing on what they believe is significant, as shallow as that might be; And life goes on. But, you, Jack, have been blessed by this experience and it has shaped you into the man you are. Thank you for sharing. You are a hero among men.
Thank you for your kind words, Carm. One person cannot know the thoughts of another. However, there may be comfort in knowing that others have faced similar situations successfully. This is part of what I hope to share.
For every story to which we find a beginning, we understand better the middle. We are able to craft a good end. It is our metier in life. You are among the more fortunate. You have found the beginning. And your voice. You have gathered the abundance of your ancestors and your family. Your devotion neither elevates or diminishes your Brother. It is the acknowledgement of his gift to you all. Here in the Healing Garden, we look forward to reading about your story.
Mostly especially, as you know, your watercolorings say everything. They are extra ordinary and reach beyond the noise of our pedestrian lives. Yet, your paintings say everything about everything. Your paintings hold great meaning. Thank you. — The Healing Garden gardener
Thank you HGG. Indeed I did find a beginning years ago when I decided to document my relationship, or whatever it was between my older brother and me. At that time, photography was my medium. It was very instructive in many ways. The beginning of my blog enabled me to include that and other thoughts about my brother. The main advantage to me was to have it all in one place: the personal, the scientific and philosophical questions as well as, perhaps some answers. The middle of the story did not arrive until 11 months later in the blog, when I decided to change my emphasis. It has been a personal evolution.
Thank you for your kind words about my watercolors. To me they are another way of cutting through the surface of things, particularly the process of abstraction.
Thank you for your comment.